Ashlyn, my 3rd daughter, will be 4 next month. Ashlyn is an emotional tornado. I can't really explain it...it's not normal behavioral stuff...its more like dealing with someone who is drunk. We have checked with our pediatritian on anything physically/mentally wrong. He assures me she's fine. I warned him that he may find her on his door step. :) I'm pretty sure that her issues were custom designed by her Creator to keep her mommy close to Jesus.
Right now her outlet is squeaking. Yes, squeaking. Imagine if a mouse could talk, and that is what she sounds like. Today she said to me, 'Im sad and I want you to hold me!' So I picked her up and held her. The way I was holding her, I could see just her face and suddenly I got a glimpse of the way she looked as a 2 month old and at once all of the frustration was replaced with those sweet new baby feelings...(except that she cried all the time then too, but please allow me to glamorize it a moment :)
I immediatley thought that is how God sees me. When I am falling apart, throwing a screaming fit on the floor, I'm pretty scary looking. But as soon as I crawl up in His lap and let Him hold me He sees the little girl I am inside. I am so thankful that He is the one place I can take a break from being a grown-up. I still have so many hurts from childhood, and I know that He is the Healer of those wounds but only when I will let Him hold me and have access to those parts of my heart will He step in.
It is my prayer that I would parent Ashlyn, and all my girls, in a way that she can trust me with her heart, that she comes to me with her hurts, so that as she grows it will be natural for her to go to her Father. And that they would experience His love through me.
This is a God-sized prayer. I have a long way to go. But I trust Him.
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7 comments:
4? Wow- time goes by so fast! You are a GREAT mother, Christie. I love to see you interact with your girls:)
Yeah...well, you just described one of my girls....who is now grown. She is still just as passionate and dramatic now as she was then, but it has been channeled into a heart that chases after Jesus! Hang in there---she's going to bless you more than you know! And you said it best, it's going to keep you close to the heart of Jesus.
That was beautiful, Christie. I know God gives all of us at least one to keep us on our knees. You are doing a great job.
The plans He has for her! I can't wait to see how she changes the world!
You are so precious. He is so faithful and He will never leave you. I think you are AwESOME! :)
Thats so sweet! and true too! I know I prob look like a two year old throwing fits all the time!! Its so amazing how God can look past all of our emotional breakdowns and love us for who we are!
We can lay it all on the table, but it's still BUT GOD! We cannot thwart His plans. :O)
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