Consumed

David Crowder has a song where he sings,

Im so bored of little gods,
While standing on the edge of something large,
While standing here so close to you,
We could be consumed.


Here are some of my list of 'little gods':

Comfort. BIG ONE.
People and their opinion of me.
Pride.
Control.
My house.
Stuff.
Food.
Friendships.
Weight control. Or lack of.
Computer.
Parenting.
Safety.
Security.

These are just a few of the things that left alone can consume me. A lot of them are really good things, but anything that consumes my heart more than Christ alone is an idol. I believe what the lyrics say, we are all on the edge of something oh so large, but these idols keep our focus off of Jesus. He is so close. A breath away. By lifting our eyes to the healer of our heart, the blessed controller of all of our chaos, the lover of our soul, we could be consumed...with HIM. Not these little gods that leave us feeling...bored.

John 10:10 "....I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."


What are you little gods that rob you of the abundant life that Jesus offers?

Child at Heart

Ashlyn, my 3rd daughter, will be 4 next month. Ashlyn is an emotional tornado. I can't really explain it...it's not normal behavioral stuff...its more like dealing with someone who is drunk. We have checked with our pediatritian on anything physically/mentally wrong. He assures me she's fine. I warned him that he may find her on his door step. :) I'm pretty sure that her issues were custom designed by her Creator to keep her mommy close to Jesus.

Right now her outlet is squeaking. Yes, squeaking. Imagine if a mouse could talk, and that is what she sounds like. Today she said to me, 'Im sad and I want you to hold me!' So I picked her up and held her. The way I was holding her, I could see just her face and suddenly I got a glimpse of the way she looked as a 2 month old and at once all of the frustration was replaced with those sweet new baby feelings...(except that she cried all the time then too, but please allow me to glamorize it a moment :)

I immediatley thought that is how God sees me. When I am falling apart, throwing a screaming fit on the floor, I'm pretty scary looking. But as soon as I crawl up in His lap and let Him hold me He sees the little girl I am inside. I am so thankful that He is the one place I can take a break from being a grown-up. I still have so many hurts from childhood, and I know that He is the Healer of those wounds but only when I will let Him hold me and have access to those parts of my heart will He step in.

It is my prayer that I would parent Ashlyn, and all my girls, in a way that she can trust me with her heart, that she comes to me with her hurts, so that as she grows it will be natural for her to go to her Father. And that they would experience His love through me.

This is a God-sized prayer. I have a long way to go. But I trust Him.

Bipolar Parenting

Yes, thats my official diagnosis. One day I have SO much joy and love for my princesses that I can't stand it and the next day I want to run away from home...FOREVER! I am pretty sure they would find me though...if for nothing else someone would need their blankie washed or help finding thieir favorite jeans.

SIGH.

I'm so happy they need me. Really I am. I am so thankful I have them. REALLY. I am. I just sometimes would like to have conversations with big girl words....and coffee...and no whining, except maybe my own. :)