Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Jumped the Gun...

Ok, so I know that the jillions o people who tune in daily to read about my life will be devestated by this, but I am not quite ready to blog just yet. Gonna take a little break from this here 'puter to focus on some other things on this planet...and the God who made it.

Be back eventually! :)

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Too Big For Your Britches

My Grandma used to say that when we started acting like we knew more about life than we actually did. If she were here I am sure she would have said it to me not too long ago. I probably wouldn't have listened. God has made sure that I heard it though. Loud and clear. I'm at a point in my life, probably just where He wants me, where I feel like I don't know anything about anything. I guess I know some things about some things. Its just that a lot of things that I once thought I had figured out seem so confusing to me now. People that I once thought I had figured out confuse me now. That's where grace comes in I suppose. And prayer. I just would really like some clarity and insight....and a few miracles would be nice.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

My Purpose

I had a moment with Jesus yesterday. Actually an hour. Three kids at VBS and one taking a nap. My O my! Yup. It was some good stuff. AND I was really happy to see them when they got home! I have been all kinds of in love with my girls for about a week now. You know, just really loving everything about them. And two of those days they were CRA - ZY!

Anyway, me and Jesus. SO, I've been having some feelings of 'purposelessness.' (My blog, my vocabulary.:) I know, I know love and serve the husband, invest in future generations, blah blah blah. :) But I just felt like there needed to be more.

Well, the Lord sweetly corrected me...there actually needs to be LESS. Over the last couple of weeks He has, in all of His love and kindness, been telling me to get my Martha be-hind out of the kitchen and sit a bit at His feet.

He lead me to these verses where I found my purpose...

John 4:21-24
Jesus replied, “Believe me, dear woman, the time is coming when it will no longer matter whether you worship the Father on this mountain or in Jerusalem. You Samaritans know very little about the one you worship, while we Jews know all about him, for salvation comes through the Jews. But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth. The Father is looking for those who will worship him that way. For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.”

True worship.

That's all He wants.

That's why He made me.

So He could love me...

and I could love Him.

Pretty simple really.

Why do we complicate it so much?

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Yeah. So.

I don't have many reasons real reasons for not blogging for the last 5 months.

And I don't have any real reasons for starting back up again.

And I don't really have a point to this post either except that you have to start somewhere.

Well, I guess I could acknowledge the redecorating. I personalized a bit. I had to. Like I told Deleise, (someday I'll learn how to link to people where you can just click on their name. Sorry, Deleise, I don't know how. But if you don't know Deleise, she is way cool. ;) it's kind of like when you are feeling really unorganized. The only answer to buy a really cool planner. Or when you want to boost your prayer life? Of course, you need a beautiful journal and a purple pen. Or sometimes I go with pink. Anyway, I would have loved to pay someone cool to do it, but when I casually, while looking out of the corner of my eye, mentioned it to the hubby it was a clear negative. However, the sweetie did drop $20 on our date night at Wal-Mart to buy Print ?something rather? 2009 so I could semi-computer crafty something up myself. Yep, he knows how to win a girl.

SO, the name. I'll go ahead and explain...
Imagine with me the quiet morning with precious wee ones sleeping away and just me and Jesus sipping coffee at the kitchen table. Then one by one the angels wake up and begin the transformation from sleepy-eyes and blankies to hungry tornadoes fighting over baby dolls (those poor baby dolls). And after that is diapers and breakfast and chores. But then, for a moment, there is a calm in the storm the perfect time to return to the kitchen to grab a sip of ...UGH. Cold coffee. No biggie, heat it up. Beep. Beep. 30 seconds. START. MMMM.

So, why bother reheating the coffee? Maybe just for just another moment of yumminess? No, for me I think it is more than that. I think it is to steal just one more minute from the day to sit in peaceful meditation of the God of the Universe. To flash back and reminisce of a simpler time...you know, like an hour ago...when He seemed so close. And to carry that moment a little bit further into my day. And that's sort of what I feel here on this little blog. A place to document the chaos of this life I live, but even more the Peace that I find there.

Of course, about half the time, there is another end to the story. If it hadn't been for Robin (again no linking, but she's way cool too!) I would have thought I was the only one this happens to. Some days you make it to lunch or dinner, open the microwave and there, lonely and forgotten, sits cold coffee. But you know, I smile EVERY time it happens, though, because I know more at that moment than any other that He is in the midst of my chaos. Whether I get a chance to sit and have that coffee with Him or not, He carries me through each day.

Saturday, February 9, 2008


David Crowder has a song where he sings,

Im so bored of little gods,
While standing on the edge of something large,
While standing here so close to you,
We could be consumed.

Here are some of my list of 'little gods':

Comfort. BIG ONE.
People and their opinion of me.
My house.
Weight control. Or lack of.

These are just a few of the things that left alone can consume me. A lot of them are really good things, but anything that consumes my heart more than Christ alone is an idol. I believe what the lyrics say, we are all on the edge of something oh so large, but these idols keep our focus off of Jesus. He is so close. A breath away. By lifting our eyes to the healer of our heart, the blessed controller of all of our chaos, the lover of our soul, we could be consumed...with HIM. Not these little gods that leave us feeling...bored.

John 10:10 "....I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

What are you little gods that rob you of the abundant life that Jesus offers?

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Child at Heart

Ashlyn, my 3rd daughter, will be 4 next month. Ashlyn is an emotional tornado. I can't really explain it...it's not normal behavioral stuff...its more like dealing with someone who is drunk. We have checked with our pediatritian on anything physically/mentally wrong. He assures me she's fine. I warned him that he may find her on his door step. :) I'm pretty sure that her issues were custom designed by her Creator to keep her mommy close to Jesus.

Right now her outlet is squeaking. Yes, squeaking. Imagine if a mouse could talk, and that is what she sounds like. Today she said to me, 'Im sad and I want you to hold me!' So I picked her up and held her. The way I was holding her, I could see just her face and suddenly I got a glimpse of the way she looked as a 2 month old and at once all of the frustration was replaced with those sweet new baby feelings...(except that she cried all the time then too, but please allow me to glamorize it a moment :)

I immediatley thought that is how God sees me. When I am falling apart, throwing a screaming fit on the floor, I'm pretty scary looking. But as soon as I crawl up in His lap and let Him hold me He sees the little girl I am inside. I am so thankful that He is the one place I can take a break from being a grown-up. I still have so many hurts from childhood, and I know that He is the Healer of those wounds but only when I will let Him hold me and have access to those parts of my heart will He step in.

It is my prayer that I would parent Ashlyn, and all my girls, in a way that she can trust me with her heart, that she comes to me with her hurts, so that as she grows it will be natural for her to go to her Father. And that they would experience His love through me.

This is a God-sized prayer. I have a long way to go. But I trust Him.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Bipolar Parenting

Yes, thats my official diagnosis. One day I have SO much joy and love for my princesses that I can't stand it and the next day I want to run away from home...FOREVER! I am pretty sure they would find me though...if for nothing else someone would need their blankie washed or help finding thieir favorite jeans.


I'm so happy they need me. Really I am. I am so thankful I have them. REALLY. I am. I just sometimes would like to have conversations with big girl words....and coffee...and no whining, except maybe my own. :)