Worshipping God thru laundry and hairbows! It's really not as spectacular as it sounds...if that even sounds spectacular. I just wanted to share something that God and I have been working on for well all of my walk with Him...
When I got pregnant with Cassadie at 19 I began my journey to perfection. I wanted SO BADLY to be THE perfect mom. I'm just now realizing 9 years later that there isn't one.
I worked SO hard! Nursery decor, strollers and car seats, clothes, hair bows, pediatritans, birthday parties, play groups, Christmas dresses, scrapbooks....they were ALL such a HUGE deal. I would drive anywhere and special order everything!
So, shortly after meeting Jesus, He began working on this 'disorder' of mine and peeling the layers away. Slowly but surly giving me more and more freedom. SO much freedom! I could finally BREATHE! But I began to develop an aversion to all that I once was, and as baby after baby after baby arrived I looked around and noticed that I had slowly stopped outwardly and actively LOVING my children. Now, please do not take that statement and run until you hear me explain. I still, always and forever have LOVED my children. I just was not very good at showing them. I developed a fear of mother/child intimacy. All of their physical needs and most of their emotional needs were being met and I felt okay with that. But I had come to live each day with this tone of frustration. I forgot to recognize my children as BLESSINGS...not burdens.
When I did/do feel the conviction the way I responded was to slip back into striving for perfection. I would fail and hate myself and then give up again, staring the process of guilt, overcompensation, and failure all over again.
WELL, I'll fast forward thru a lot to my present discovery...
THE LORD WANTS ME TO LOVE HIM BY LOVING OTHERS.
My present priority 'others' are my husband and four sweet little girls.
I KNOW that for so long I truly believed that serving my family by giving them the most organized home, the best education, and the cutest clothes, etc...was loving them and in turn, loving God. Well, I was loving alright...I have no doubt about that. Loving ME. It was ALL about me. So self-seeking...Love is not self-seeking. I wanted all of those thing in order to gain the approval of man...not God.
However, the other extreme of complete laziness was/is just as much sin. The reason I did the things I did was because I did not know HOW to love. But I also refused to let Him teach me and to do the hard things that loving requires.
SO...I think the do's and don'ts are summed up in this...MOTIVE.
He is now showing me that none of these things that I obsessed over were bad things, it was my motive that was wrong. Searching for the perfect hairbow and having a nice clean and orderly home can be done with a heart of worship BUT so can leaving the laundry in a heaping pile and painting finger nails with my girls.
This may just be a personal struggle...but it was theraputic for me to sort through these things in my mind.
Colossians 3:17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Colossians 3:23-24
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
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7 comments:
You have nro idea just yet, the gift you're giving your family, especially your children. And this is coming from a child that was "deeply loved" by her parents.
oh, by the way your blog on trust hit the "spot" for me. I am at Panera right now and just finished journaling and I asked God to teach me from scratch how to trust again, cause I don't know anymore. And as always He provided. Thank you for writing that!!!!!
That's awesome. Thanks for sharing!
I am right there with ya girl. Every word, I think you just summed up the last 6 years of my life. Great revelation from the Lord.
That is so good Christie! It is always about the condition of your heart. And, by the way, I definitely think you can search for the perfect hairbow with a heart of worship.;) God HAS to have a heart for hairbows, doesn't He??
I can relate. I have gone through similar pendulum affects with stuff in my and my families lives. Isn't it great how Jesus helps to balance it all out and use it all for good.
Do we have the same brain. Ever since having the amazing opportunity to be home with my girls, I have been struggling with this perfect mom issue. Guilty (or trying to make up for the last 9 yrs or so of not being home and being distracted so to speak.) Whatever the underlying issue which I am still seeking out, THANK YOU for your honesty in this blog. I can not begin to tell you how this touched me today. I can easily get caught in the trap of wrong motives behind my betty homemaker status. I love and miss you much!!! Thank you for this!!!!
Oh Christie...I am so happy you took the time to put your feelings into words. I KNOW that God IS completing the work He has begun in you...and it is a GOOD work. I have never met anyone with so much determination. I am so proud of how you cling to Him and will not let go until youlet Him carry you to where He wants you to be. You have inspired me on so may levels. I am so happy I chose to stay home and commit to learn to engage and be present with my kids...My daily lessons now are God convicting, leading and teaching me where my boys are concerned. Oh how I want to get into their worlds so they will let me fully into their hearts! You are a WONDERFUL mommy! I will remind your girls 20 years from now about your love and commitment :)
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