Consumed

David Crowder has a song where he sings,

Im so bored of little gods,
While standing on the edge of something large,
While standing here so close to you,
We could be consumed.


Here are some of my list of 'little gods':

Comfort. BIG ONE.
People and their opinion of me.
Pride.
Control.
My house.
Stuff.
Food.
Friendships.
Weight control. Or lack of.
Computer.
Parenting.
Safety.
Security.

These are just a few of the things that left alone can consume me. A lot of them are really good things, but anything that consumes my heart more than Christ alone is an idol. I believe what the lyrics say, we are all on the edge of something oh so large, but these idols keep our focus off of Jesus. He is so close. A breath away. By lifting our eyes to the healer of our heart, the blessed controller of all of our chaos, the lover of our soul, we could be consumed...with HIM. Not these little gods that leave us feeling...bored.

John 10:10 "....I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."


What are you little gods that rob you of the abundant life that Jesus offers?

Child at Heart

Ashlyn, my 3rd daughter, will be 4 next month. Ashlyn is an emotional tornado. I can't really explain it...it's not normal behavioral stuff...its more like dealing with someone who is drunk. We have checked with our pediatritian on anything physically/mentally wrong. He assures me she's fine. I warned him that he may find her on his door step. :) I'm pretty sure that her issues were custom designed by her Creator to keep her mommy close to Jesus.

Right now her outlet is squeaking. Yes, squeaking. Imagine if a mouse could talk, and that is what she sounds like. Today she said to me, 'Im sad and I want you to hold me!' So I picked her up and held her. The way I was holding her, I could see just her face and suddenly I got a glimpse of the way she looked as a 2 month old and at once all of the frustration was replaced with those sweet new baby feelings...(except that she cried all the time then too, but please allow me to glamorize it a moment :)

I immediatley thought that is how God sees me. When I am falling apart, throwing a screaming fit on the floor, I'm pretty scary looking. But as soon as I crawl up in His lap and let Him hold me He sees the little girl I am inside. I am so thankful that He is the one place I can take a break from being a grown-up. I still have so many hurts from childhood, and I know that He is the Healer of those wounds but only when I will let Him hold me and have access to those parts of my heart will He step in.

It is my prayer that I would parent Ashlyn, and all my girls, in a way that she can trust me with her heart, that she comes to me with her hurts, so that as she grows it will be natural for her to go to her Father. And that they would experience His love through me.

This is a God-sized prayer. I have a long way to go. But I trust Him.

Bipolar Parenting

Yes, thats my official diagnosis. One day I have SO much joy and love for my princesses that I can't stand it and the next day I want to run away from home...FOREVER! I am pretty sure they would find me though...if for nothing else someone would need their blankie washed or help finding thieir favorite jeans.

SIGH.

I'm so happy they need me. Really I am. I am so thankful I have them. REALLY. I am. I just sometimes would like to have conversations with big girl words....and coffee...and no whining, except maybe my own. :)

How sweet the sound!

I read this quote last week and it made me sit and smile. :)

Grace is the embrace of God's acceptance in our humiliation.

I don't know about you, but I could use an embrace in my humiliation. I just love the way He loves me.

Oh my! You have your hands full!!!

The girls and I leave the house all together about 1 to 2 times a week. Few outings are complete without the following conversation...It really does happen everywhere...Taco Bueno, Walmart church, anywhere really. Today it happened to be the doctor's office. Here is the typical exchange...

Well intentioned onlooker: Wow, 4 girls?
Me: Yes. -SMILE-
Them: Are they all yours?
Me: They are! -SMILE-
Them: How old are they?
Me: Almost 9, Just turned 6, Almost 4, and 19 months (I would just give current ages, but then the children correct me and clarify the birthdays and it just gets complicated)
Them: You don't look old enough.
Me: I'm not!

Next could be a variety of choices including:
Them: Were you trying for a boy?
Me: No.

Them: Poor Daddy!
Me: He actually LOVES it!

Them: Are you done?
Me: I'm done being pregnant. (This confuses most, we have always felt that adoption will be in our future...I always assumed we would want more girls, but God is really softening our hearts towards boys!)

Them: OH, I feel sorry for you guys in about ten years.
Me: We can't wait!

Them: WOW, 4 weddings!
Me: I know, SO fun!!!

Them: Well, they're precious! You've got your hands full!
Me: Yes, but its fun!

I hate that people always look at our girls a such a 'handful'. I try very hard to diffuse the negitivity by speaking well of our children. My resopnses don't always reflect my feelings that very moment, at the moment I probably want to tie one or more of my sweet girls to a chair! However, I want to share the attitude of joy in mothering my children that I have deep down. I think the world has really robbed us of embracing the blessing of family. We are trained to look at children as sweet playthings that we can put on a shelf when they are holding us back or putting a burden on our time, our finances, careers, social lives etc. This has been a struggle for me, but I want model to them a committed love that God has for His children. I want to model what it looks like to lay down my life to serve God in whatever way He calls me to...even if I would choose to serve Him in a different way. I've also noticed lately that my girls listen to how I speak to others, especially where it concerns them. I want them to be able to trust me to speak well of them so that they can trust me with their hearts.

This is the day the Lord has made, I will be glad and rejoice in it!!!

My second daughter lost her first tooth last night. Here is the thing though...it was only lose for TWO days! She confessed last night to trying to pry apart two waffle blocks with her teeth which obviously sped up the process!!! I never even saw it coming...Im pretty sure I JUST gave her Orajel on her pacifier for cutting the first set, and now she's LOOSING THEM??? UGH. Lesson #803 in SAVORING each moment. I am in the process of shedding every extra ounce of weight that holds me back from floating away in the joy that the Lord has given me in this life. Not that I will not have a burden to carry, but I refuse to let any amount of bondage hold me down. I want to drown myself in nail polish and dollhouse furniture, hairbows and sippy cups, memory verses and crayons...for someday, all to soon, these things will be part of my past...not my present. And there will be a touch of sadness each time I see a baby blanket or a little pink Bible.

Lord, thank you for trusting me with your children. It is a gift and an honor. I pray that you continually remind me to drink in each moment for this season will soon pass me by.

This can't be normal...

I need to have a public pity party. Would you mind humoring me for a minute? I have had quite the day...and it is now 8:30am. I can remember a day when I NEVER even saw 8:30AM. Today my day started at 5:30AM. I love starting my day early...but I like to do it ALONE with Jesus. UGH...anyway, all before breakfast I have woke up to a sobbing teething toddler, fed her breakfast, teething tablets, back to bed...time with God, half of a pilates video until the 8 year old wakes up, who enjoys a good pilates workout...and being the dancer she is thinks its cool to critique her mother who is less like Gumby, more like...well, not Gumby. So we turn the video off. The rest of the sweet angels awake and the games begin...including, but not limited to...fighting over the Leapster, getting the book away from the dog, 3 changes of panties for the one with diarrea (sp?), start laundry, argue with children who don't want to do chores...argue with same child who doesn't want to get dressed, answer questions like, 'Is Jesus awake?' and 'Where is my suitcase?' (Is she going somewhere?), and 'How much are pots for plants?' No, you cant do your Webkinz or watch TV. Start laundry, get dressed and brush teeth...take the mascara away from the 3 year old, and the paint and paint brush away from the dog...Could someone find her bone? Make breakfast...clean up breakfast. OH, I need to call our 9AM playdate and warn her about diarrea girl...SIGH. Off to wipe a bottom...break up a fight and say, "NO, you can not paint...go read a book!"

Thanks for listening.